Recognizing and Coping with Postpartum Depression & Anxiety
- Leslie Gauntt
- Apr 1
- 10 min read
At Friend of a Mom, we know that motherhood can be both beautiful and overwhelming. Between sleepless nights, endless diaper changes, and trying to care for yourself while caring for your baby, it’s easy to feel like you’re drowning. That’s why we asked our friend Leslie Gauntt, a Licensed Social Worker and mom of two, to share her personal experience and expert insights on recognizing and coping with postpartum depression and anxiety. If you’ve been struggling, know this: you are not alone, and help is available.
If you are feeling suicidal or having thoughts of harming yourself or your baby,
please call 911 or seek emergency help immediately.
You’re Not Alone: A Personal Story of Postpartum Struggles
When my newborn daughter was 2 months old, I found myself up late for a night feeding. She was crying hysterically as I rocked her for what felt like hours. It was one of those days she had been cluster feeding all day, and I hadn’t gotten any rest. I was delirious. My partner had gone back to work, and we were trying to work around his schedule. As I was shaking and crying alongside my daughter, he slept soundly. I was angry and resentful, just staring at him as the anger began to rise inside me. She wouldn’t stop crying. I couldn’t calm her down.
It was during that night I had my first ever intrusive thought: “I could just throw myself down the stairs. Then someone else would have to deal with this.”The thought hit me like a wave, and I felt a lump in my throat, ready to throw up. I felt horrible, shameful. How could I ever think that? As I stared at my beautiful daughter, I knew something wasn’t right. This wasn’t just the “baby blues.” I wasn’t myself. I felt like I was on an emotional rollercoaster, experiencing the highest of highs and the lowest of lows in the same breath.
If this resonates with you, I want you to know: you’re not alone.
What is PMAD? Understanding Perinatal Mood and Anxiety Disorders
Many of you may have heard of postpartum depression (PPD) or postpartum anxiety (PPA), but there are many other mental health conditions that can occur during or after pregnancy, and up to a year post-delivery. These are known as Perinatal Mood and Anxiety Disorders (PMADs), which affect one in seven mothers. While this is incredibly common, it can feel shameful or embarrassing to vocalize these feelings. Society often expects motherhood to feel natural and joyful—but PMADs don’t discriminate. They can affect anyone, regardless of age, socioeconomic status, personality, or how strong your support system may seem.
If I had to guess, someone you know—whether a friend, sibling, co-worker, or even your own mother—has likely experienced these same feelings. You are not alone, and you are not a bad mom. It’s okay to need help. It will get better when you prioritize your own well-being.
Common Signs & Symptoms of PMADs
The Baby Blues vs. PMADs
After giving birth, many women experience what’s known as the “baby blues.” These are mild mood swings and hormonal shifts that typically last about 1-2 weeks. If these feelings continue beyond that time, it’s essential to speak with a trusted professional or loved one.
PMADs can show up emotionally and physically and can deeply impact your daily life. They might affect your ability to function emotionally and relationally.
Postpartum Depression (PPD)
A Mom’s Story of Postpartum Depression:
“It always felt like there was a clock hovering over my head, ticking away second by second. This constant pressure never left—it was there every moment of the day. I’d glance at the time and realize I only had 15 minutes before his next feeding. The struggle between taking care of myself, eating, and dealing with the never-ending piles of laundry or the mess around the house felt impossible. I never had time for myself. And honestly, I was just there. I wasn’t happy, I wasn’t sad, I was just existing. There was no joy in anything—just a constant state of ‘just there."
"But then, just as quickly as I’d be in that numb state, I’d bounce to full-blown anxiety, my mind racing with the ticking clock. The pressure to manage everything, the worry about being late for the next feeding, and the constant checklist in my head triggered waves of panic. I resented my husband. His life hadn’t changed and he could go about his day without a second thought, while I had to go through every single mental checklist just to do anything. My heart raced constantly, and I’d hear phantom cries, even when the baby was fine. This went on for weeks, but everything came to a head one day when I was driving home from Target—my only escape where no one needed me. Instead of feeling relief, I was overwhelmed with dread. I couldn’t go home. I didn’t want to go home. I just wanted to escape. That’s when I remembered a friend who had shared a similar experience, so I called her. Talking to her was the first thing that calmed me enough to reach out to my OB for help.”
Emotional Signs of Postpartum Depression (PPD)
Depressed mood most of the day, nearly every day. Loss of interest, joy or pleasure, excessive or inappropriate guilt, feeling worthless, social withdrawal, inability to take care of others, difficulty bonding with baby, recurrent thoughts of death, and or suicidal ideation.
Physical Signs of Postpartum Depression (PPD)
Sleep disturbances, agitation, fatigue, poor concentration, psychomotor agitation, increase in somatic symptoms (backache, headache, GI distress) significant weight change or appetite changes
Postpartum Anxiety (PPA)
A Mom’s Story of Postpartum Anxiety:
"Walking into my home for the first time with a little human and my husband felt so foreign. My body, mind, and demeanor shifted, and it took over a year for me to realize that life as I knew it would never be the same."
"Here I was, a thirty-something mom who chose to be childless for the longest time, now having to keep this little boy alive. His cries ignited something primal in me. Would he latch like the lactation consultant showed me? Would I feed him enough? Or would it be too little? How are we even supposed to know? Holy shit, my nipples are on fire! Is it too hot for him in our room, or too cold? Why am I randomly crying? I constantly questioned if I made the right decision to have a baby when I still wanted to further my career. I have to remember to change the mattress-sized maxi pad in my maternity underwear, which only cooled me for three minutes. Why is my husband eating while I’m struggling to stay awake to nurse? When do I get to eat? Why am I crying again? This all occurred within the first hour of being home."
Emotional Signs of Postpartum Anxiety (PPA)
Excessive anxiety and worry, difficulty controlling one’s worry, agitation, and irritability
Physical Signs of Postpartum Anxiety (PPA)
Restlessness, poor concentration, sleep disturbance and increased somatic symptoms (muscle tension, palpitations, racing heartbeat, shortness of breath, GI distress).
Additional PMADs: Panic Disorder & OCD
Panic Disorder
Mother’s report experiencing 3 Fears that cause them to have panic attacks postpartum. Fear of dying, Fear of going crazy and Fear of losing control.
Emotional Signs of Panic Disorder
Agitation, irritability, excessive worry or fear, persistent fear of ‘going crazy’, losing control or having a future attack, often there is no identifiable trigger to the thought spiral or symptom onset.
Physical Signs of Panic Disorder
Episodes of intense fear or discomfort reaching a peak within minutes, shortness of breath, chest pain, sensations of choking or smothering, hot or cold flashes, trembling, rapid heart rate, numbness and restlessness.
Perinatal Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD)
Mother’s who experience consistent and recurrent intrusive thoughts may be experiencing OCD instead of anxiety. OCD is a cyclical condition where a person has an obsessive thought, experiences anxiety, engages in compulsive behavior and then has temporary relief before having the obsessive thought again.
-Obsessions are recurrent and persistent thoughts, urges or impulses that are intrusive, unwanted and cause marked anxiety or distress. Individual attempts to ignore or suppress thoughts, urges, images. The individual will often try to neutralize them with other thoughts of actions.
-Compulsions are repetitive behaviors that the individual feels driven to perform in response to the obsession. Behaviors or mental acts are aimed at preventing or reducing anxiety or distress.
Emotional Signs of Perinatal OCD
Intrusive repetitive thoughts-usually of harm coming to the baby, caught in a spiral of ‘what if thinking’, tremendous guilt and shame, horrified by thoughts, hypervigilance, engaging in behaviors to avoid harm or minimize triggers. ,
When to Seek Help for PMADs
If you have any thoughts of self-harm or harming your baby, please seek help immediately. These feelings warrant a trip to the ER to ensure the safety of both you and your baby.
National Crisis Text Line: Text HOME to 741741 (USA, anytime)
National Suicide Prevention Hotline: Call 988
National Maternal Health Hotline (available in English and Spanish): Call or text 1-833-852-6262
Where to Start: Seeking Support for Postpartum Mental Health
If you notice emotional or physical changes before your 6-week appointment, reach out to your OB-GYN or primary care doctor for support. Therapy can also be an essential resource for managing PMADs.
Therapy: Seeking Professional Support for PMADs
If you’re experiencing any of the emotional or physical symptoms of PMADs, it is best to find a therapist who has a background in perinatal mental health care. Look for therapists who have completed a course through Postpartum Support International (PSI) or have their Perinatal Mental Health Certification (PMH-C).
Find a Therapist in Your Area
Below is an interactive map of local practices that have multiple staff trained in working with pregnancy, postpartum, parenting, and couples work. It’s important to note that PMADs can impact dads as well.
Perinatal Mental Health Practices in and around Chicagoland Map:
If you are outside of the Chicagoland area or if these practices do not meet your insurance needs, please visit Postpartum Support International’s Provider Directory to find a provider or group that meets your needs.
Support Groups: Finding Community and Connection
Postpartum Support International (PSI) offers over 50 free virtual support groups. Additionally, there are local moms’ groups in your area. You can check your neighborhood Facebook page to see if a free group or meetup exists.
Many park districts, early childhood education centers, doulas, lactation consultants, and local moms host mom groups. Several local moms’ groups are also listed on the interactive map provided above.
Medication for PMADs: What You Need to Know
If you’re struggling, medication might be necessary. Like managing a physical health condition, medications such as antidepressants or anti-anxiety medications can help stabilize your mental health. While they might not be a permanent solution, they can ease your emotional struggles and help you use coping strategies more effectively. If you choose this route, it’s best to work with a psychiatrist and combine medication with therapy.
I always tell my clients, antidepressants and anti-anxiety medications can help smooth the edges. They don’t fix everything, and they don’t work overnight, but they can help you feel like you can use coping skills and engage in self-care practices more easily. It is important to find a provider who will see you regularly to ensure you’re on the right medication and the right dosage. I recommend clients see a psychiatrist instead of a primary care physician if they decide to pursue medication management, and I encourage therapy in tandem with medication for maximum support.
Lifestyle & Self-Care Strategies for PMAD Recovery
Prioritize Rest and Sleep: Get rest whenever possible. Sleep is crucial for emotional and physical recovery.
Accept Help from Friends and Family: When you have a little one, it’s okay to be a boss. Make a “To-Do List” for people to pick from tasks that are helpful for you, such as:
“Can you take my toddler to the park for an hour so I can get some rest?”
“Can you drop off a meal I can easily freeze?”
“Can you throw in a load of laundry?”
“Can you clean bottles, breast pump parts?”
“Can you just talk to me about non-baby-related things?”
Having tasks ready for others to do will lighten your mental load and help them feel useful when they come to visit.
Gentle Exercise and Fresh Air: Put the baby in a stroller or wear the baby and go for a short 10-15 minute walk. Fresh air, vitamin D, and movement will make everyone feel better.
Take a ‘Time Out’: If you’re feeling uneasy or frustrated, place the baby in a safe space and walk to another room. Begin box breathing (4 breaths in, hold for 4, breathe out for 4, wait for 4 before starting again). Box breathing helps activate your parasympathetic nervous system to naturally calm you down. Do this for a few rounds and then return to the room with your baby.
Hire a Mother’s Helper: Consider hiring a postpartum doula, family member, babysitter, or asking a fellow mom friend to watch your baby. Even 1-2 hours of care throughout the week can offer you a much-needed break.
Build a Support System: Find 1-2 people you feel safe confiding in. This could be your partner, mom, best friend, or a new mom friend.
Brain Dump: Anytime you’re feeling anxious, worried, overwhelmed, or depressed, write all your thoughts down on paper. This can be especially helpful before bed to quiet your mind. Choose to keep your paper or crumple it up and throw it away as a cathartic exercise.
Minimize Social Media Use: Comparing your mom's experience to another’s may increase symptoms. Curate your social media feed. After you scroll or look at someone’s account, ask yourself: “Did that make me feel better or worse about myself?” If it makes you feel worse, hit the unfollow button for now.
Final Thoughts: You Are Not Failing—You Are Strong
The airlines got it right when they told us to make sure our oxygen mask is secure before assisting anyone else. When we are not doing well, it is a domino effect for others in our lives. You deserve to feel the best you can possibly feel. Getting and accepting help is a sign of strength that you will thank your future self for.
I look back on my journey and am thankful for what it taught me. I am far from perfect. I am not happy every day. Some days I love being a mom, some days I don’t. But I have found a community, a regimen, and a therapist that help support me and I hope you can find that too.
About the Author
Leslie Gauntt is a Licensed Social Worker who has been working with women, children, couples and families for over 10 years in the Chicagoland area. She is a mom of two, Jack, age 2, and Nora, age 4.
She is extremely passionate about perinatal mental health, and currently works at Inspire Counseling Center in Northbrook, IL supporting clients in-person and virtually. If you would like to connect with Leslie about starting therapy or have any questions about finding support in your area, please do not hesitate to contact her at leslie.gauntt@inspirecounselingcenter.com.
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